1. Changing Tables are Useless
This always seems to be one of the "essential" items on any ready-made baby registry list and is the one thing I can't help but warn against. The changing table is a dedicated piece of furniture in your newly furnished nursery that serves the express purpose of holding a child in place while you change their sometimes toxic diaper. If a decade in child and mommy care has taught me one thing it is that the floor is a changing table. So is the couch, the bed, the car, the stroller, the kitchen floor or pretty much any other semi-flat surface that is available when that diaper needs changing. My advice to new moms is to skip the changing table and just buy a changing pad. Put the pad on top of a dresser or in a large window ledge or wherever else it is convenient and save yourself a couple hundred dollars that can go to other things...like diapers.
2. Co-Sleeping or Crib Sleeping Will NOT Ruin Your Child
This is one of those areas where the Mommy Wars kicks into full gear. There are two polar opposite types of moms online (in the real world most fall somewhere in between): Babywise Moms and Attachment Parents. An attachment parent will tell you that you have to let your child share your bed or at least your room otherwise he will become detached and stressed and never learn to trust you. A Babywise mom will tell you that you have to keep your child in his own crib in his own nursery otherwise he will never learn to self-soothe and be independent. I hate to say it but you are both wrong. No one sleeping arrangement is guaranteed to produce the perfect child just like neither will ruin one. Truth be told, the safest place for your baby during the first few weeks (and even months) is in your room. Now, whether this means in your bed or in a crib in your room depends on what works best for you, but when a baby is waking up every 2-4 hours to be fed, the best place is in your room where you can hear her wake up and scoop her up to feed. Additionally, any new mom will inevitably experience the panicked "is the baby still breathing" checks which are much easier to do if you don't have to get up and walk to the nursery. Safe bed sharing and safe crib sleeping are a whole other post, but for now rest assured you are not creating a monster.
3. Nap with your baby
New parents are notoriously sleep deprived and while some of this is inescapable, a lot of it can be prevented by napping with your baby. The sad truth of new parenthood is that mom tends to baby's every need because if you're breastfeeding dad just can't help with those middle of the night feedings. The best way to handle the sleep deprivation that this leads to is to adopt your baby's sleep schedule. It is a fascinating phenomenon that when a woman sleeps near her baby their sleep cycles synchronize meaning that when you nap with your baby, you don't wake up tired. You wake up naturally and rested ready to attend to your baby's needs.
4. Wear Your Baby (Especially so you can shower)
I might not get much love from some moms for this tip but it's one that I've seen prove it's worth time and time again. When you have a fussy baby or just a light sleeper, wearing your baby can be a God-send. Ways to wear your baby are enough to fill a book (and they have), but can be as simple as a long piece of cloth tied into a wrap or a sling. The important thing to remember when wearing baby is to make sure the face is always visible and kissable so you can be sure baby can breath. A bonus tip, get yourself a polyester mesh sling or wrap so that you can bring baby into the shower with you. The material allows the water to permeate and reach baby without absorbing anything and becoming soggy. Most new babies love baths and showers but as always make sure he has room to breath.
5. Give Yourself a Break!
No mom is perfect so stop comparing yourself to other moms and stop berating yourself for every mistake you make. The movie clip that always comes to mind when explaining this to new moms is when the daddy club in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" explains the no judgement rule.
Alex: "You dropped your kid off a changing table?!"
Gabe: "Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette."
Craig: "I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday."
Patel: "I picked up the wrong baby from daycare."
Gabe: "I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging."
Like Gabe says in the movie, when it comes to parenting, sometimes stuff happens and sometimes it's terrifying and other times it's hilarious but in the end you can't beat yourself up over it, you have to give yourself a break.
Bonus Tip for Dad: Mother the New Mother
As I said before, with a very new baby there is a limit to what dad is useful for. So in those first few weeks and months step up to be the mother that the new mother needs. Do the dishes and vacuum the house so that she doesn't feel like she has to sacrifice precious nap time to clean up. It may go unnoticed at first but you will be the behind the scenes hero and once the postpartum haze starts to lift she will likely notice and be incredibly grateful (which goes a long way in easing back into a sex life postpartum).
Tags: Tips for new moms, tips for moms to be, Tips for new dads, napping, sleep
