Best Halloween Costumes for Pregnant and New Moms

Since we are getting close to Halloween I thought I'd round up some of my favorite costumes with a focus on new and expecting moms. You will not see any pumpkin bellies or "house wife/milk man" couples costumes here. NO! We only allow the best. So, without further ado...(All photos link to their original source or pin)

Expecting

Pregnant cross-dressing? YES

It's important to pet your zombie fetus

Pregnant cross-dressing again! Starting to feel like there's a double standard here

For when you are certain that thing is going to crawl out of you

For when your hemorrhoids get in the way of costume shopping

With Newbie

Mom only thinks she's keeping the money

This zombie mom was infected later in her pregnancy

Best of Kids

"Is that seriously an ALIEN!?"

Do you still hear the lambs Clarice?

Let's Talk About Crying

I had a whole post planned, thought out, and even mostly written and then tonight happened. I truly believe the universe has it's own way of making sure you never feel like you have completely mastered something. Up until about 2 hours ago, I was feeling pretty damn good about my abilities to soothe babies and impart tested tips and tricks (try saying that 3 times fast) on new mothers. But tonight the universe handed me a purple crying baby and said "fix this one". 

This normally fairly average baby who has been doing a pretty decent job sleeping at night had suddenly turned into a banshee. What is worse is that no matter what I did (and believe me, I've got tricks) he cried. And screamed. And squalled. Nothing was going to console this child. 

So what was wrong with him? Well, time will certainly tell on that one, but I have a couple of theories. First, he may be working on his first tooth. Second, he was stuck in a crying-gas-crying-gas cycle. Third, nothing. Absolutely nothing was wrong with him.

The Period of Purple Crying is the fun name for the period of hell in a parent's life where their baby screams in such a way that you would think a toe was being cut off but in reality nothing is wrong at all. So how do you know if your baby is purple crying? First let's go through the list of other things that make babies cry:

Is he/she...

Hungry?

Gassy?

Hot?

Cold?

Need diaper changed?

Uncomfortable clothes?

Being poked by something?

Scratched?

Overstimulated?

Tired?

Wants to he held?

Running a fever?

Thinking about an unpleasant future as a public accountant when really he wants to be a producer?

If you answered no to all of these and your child is between 2 weeks and 4 months, you may have a purple crier. If so, strap in, take a deep breath and most importantly DON'T SHAKE THE BABY! I'm quite serious about that, I believe not being prepared for purple crying leads to shaken babies. If it gets to a point where you feel you can't handle anymore, hand the baby off to another trusted adult and if one is unavailable put the baby in a safe place and walk away.

Seriously, Walk Away. As long as you know the baby is safe (you can certainly hear him), walk away an give yourself a few minutes to breathe. 

Really Honest Parenting Books

Everyone has one place or situation where they habitually have great conversations. For me and my family this is in the garage. Now, our garage is not a place for cars, but more of a second living room. My father refers to it as his "redneck garage" although I don't think I would categorize it in such a way. Our garage has carpeting and recliners as well as surround sound and an 50'' TV because my father definitely has an addiction to buying TVs (we have tried to stage an intervention but he refuses to admit he has a problem). So it is here that we all get together, have a few drinks and test theories in the Greek fashion.

If a theory could survive debate both sober and drunk it was considered to be truth

So last night we got onto the topic of parenting books and came up with a few choice titles for parenting books that we would like to write.

How to Not Raise a Douche-Bag

This was really where the conversation took off and it all started with wipe warmers. I believe children with wipe warmers are more likely to grow up to be douche-bags. Why? Because you are literally trying to add comfort and luxury to wiping your child's ass and the first time you have to change a diaper quickly in a grocery store restroom that child is going to scream bloody murder because the wipes are cold. Do your kid a favor and let them have a few parts of life that are not bubble wrapped. Kids who have wipe warmers are the same ones who have leather car seats and are just skewed from infancy towards being those kids you want to punch in the face.

They Will All Disappoint You at Some Point
This one came from my (loving) father. He was quick to clarify that they will also make you proud but he wants to write a book that prepares parents for the inevitable truth that at some point your child will disappoint you. It might not be a huge disappointment and it probably won't be something that you'll never be able to get over, but it will be something. For those of you who say your child could never disappoint you I warn you to prepare for one thought to pass through your head; "I didn't raise you to do that". No, you didn't raise them to do that and you may have tried to raise them not to but just like there are always mistakes in parenting, there are also always mistakes in childhood. 

They Will Not Be Like You

There is a reason why half of all "coming of age" stories involve a child standing up to their parents and yelling "I'm not you!". While they may possess your DNA, they are not going to be exactly like you. Your child is a small person and childhood and adolescence is a time for them to discover who they are. It's very difficult to figure out who you are when you have a parent trying to make sure that you are your father.

Never, Ever, Ever, Ever Reproduce 

This will actually become a guest post from my father at some point and a title that he says is only partially sarcastic. He sums this book up in the statement "You thought it was a great idea until it was too late".

Sleep is Overrated: Children are Worth It

If I had a dollar for every mom-blog post that tries to make sleep deprivation a funny topic I would never have to work another day in my life. Everyone knows that once you have kids sleep becomes a luxury that can't be afforded at most times, but those deliriously happy sleep deprived memories with your kids are worth it. Too much sleep just might mean you sleep through an amazing moment so drink another cup of coffee and go jump on the trampoline!

You Just Thought You Had This Figured Out

This book is for all my colleagues and friends in childcare. Just because you've taken care of other people's kids for years doesn't mean you will have any idea what you are doing when you have kids yourself. Almost every client I've ever had has made some sort of comment to the tune of "Kid's are gonna be so easy for you!" But for some reason my experience has been that the most abnormally difficult and complicated kids seem to be reserved for nannies.

Green Beans and Ketchup are a Parent's Best Friend

This is a title straight from my own childhood and is a story with a great lesson. When I was two there was a dinner where I had already eaten everything on my plate with the exception of the green beans. I was still hungry and wanted more food but refused to eat the green beans. My parents refused to give me more hamburger and mashed potatoes until I ate the green beans. Hours of standoff ensued until my aunt came over and started joking around with me. Apparently at this point I told her that I would eat the green beans if they had ketchup on them (I was a fairly articulate child). So she dutifully got the ketchup out and drowned the green beans which I proceeded to eat all of. To this day I have not eaten green beans again but that story was less about the green beans and more about a parent vs child battle of wills. In the end, we both won - I got my ketchup covered green beans (if you put enough ketchup on anything you can't taste it) and my parents got me to eat the green beans. The lesson here is more than one of compromise but also one of where the answer came from - they asked me.

They Won't Die: Let Them Wait til Breakfast

The fact that sending your kids to bed without dinner can be used as a punishment is certainly a first-world concept. There are kids all around the world who go to bed hungry every night. I'm not saying it's something you should make a habit of but when your kids refuse to eat what you have made there are few responses that will effectively convey your point as sending them to bed without anything at all. It will not kill them, they will have breakfast in the morning, but they're far more likely to eat what you make the following night. In my house there has never been any special meals or food made for the kids. When someone makes a meal for everyone, everyone eats it.

Parenting Tips from Raising a Dog

I can already feel the backlash from this one but there are a lot of similarities between dogs and small children. You train your dog to go outside and your kids to use a toilet. You have to train both of them to not put everything in their mouth. They both have a habit of peeing themselves when they get excited. There are way more similarities than you may think and a lot of lessons to learn too. One of my favorite lessons that works equally well for children and dogs is stick it in a piece of cheese and give it to them.

Someone Has to Lose
This book conveys a lesson for both kids and parents. Parenting sometimes feels like a series of small battles between yourself and your child. While it is certainly true that in order to learn respect and obedience your kids have to lose a lot of those battles, it is just as true that sometimes the parents are going to lose. Kids can be unbelievably stubborn and tend to get more so the longer the standoff goes. When you lose it doesn't have to be obvious, but in some situations it is better to quietly take the loss and move onto something else rather than drag it out. For your kids this is a concept that isn't learned as much today. In order for someone to win - someone has to lose. A kid who always gets a trophy even if he's the lowest scoring player on the team can't experience the pride of winning if he's never experienced the disappointment of loss. This doesn't mean that you should make your kids feel bad for losing, but it does mean that you should let it happen because in the real world there are winners and losers and shielding your child from this reality is not helping anyone.

So what about you? If you were to write a parenting book what would the title be?

Friday Favorites

Fridays are currently a day I have off. Due to contract work and flexible scheduling this could always change in the near future, but for the time being Fridays are my day to clean the house and catch up on the interwebs (yes - I use the word interwebs). In this case it also means catching up on my favorite blogs and sharing with you my favorite blog posts this week.

10 Quick, Easy Dinners for Moms Who Hate Getting Overly Cheerful E-mails Describing Which "10 Quick, Easy Dinners" they should be making.

Thank you Reddit for helping me find the only blog post I absolutely loved this week. Maybe I'll have a chance to read more tomorrow and add a few that I (also) love, but for now this is a slow Friday because all the successfully mommy and baby bloggers are off having fun at the ABC Kids Expo (no, I'm not bitter or jealous, what are you talking about). On the plus side that means next week we should have lots of blogs with exciting pictures of new products to pass judgement on.

Enjoy your weekend and try to keep your kids from eating any dog poop!

5 Simple Tips for New Moms (and Moms-to-Be)

You can Google all day for tips for a new mom and come across a thousand different opinions on what you should do or shouldn't do and in the end there's only one thing you can really learn: According to the internet, you will be a terrible parent. Because it is only too true that for every opinion from every "expert" there is an opposing opinion from a just as qualified "expert". The truth is, there are no experts - just people who have dealt with kids longer. There is no right or wrong way to parent, just what works best for you. And for those of you unfamiliar with the term "mommywars" just spend some time clicking through mommy blogs and you'll see that most opinions are sternly, steadfastly and stubbornly held onto. I'm here to tell you that whatever works for you is the right way to parent, but that being said, there are a few universal tips and truths that I share with all the new mothers I work with and would like so much to share with the world.

1. Changing Tables are Useless
This always seems to be one of the "essential" items on any ready-made baby registry list and is the one thing I can't help but warn against. The changing table is a dedicated piece of furniture in your newly furnished nursery that serves the express purpose of holding a child in place while you change their sometimes toxic diaper. If a decade in child and mommy care has taught me one thing it is that the floor is a changing table. So is the couch, the bed, the car, the stroller, the kitchen floor or pretty much any other semi-flat surface that is available when that diaper needs changing. My advice to new moms is to skip the changing table and just buy a changing pad. Put the pad on top of a dresser or in a large window ledge or wherever else it is convenient and save yourself a couple hundred dollars that can go to other things...like diapers.

2. Co-Sleeping or Crib Sleeping Will NOT Ruin Your Child
This is one of those areas where the Mommy Wars kicks into full gear. There are two polar opposite types of moms online (in the real world most fall somewhere in between): Babywise Moms and Attachment Parents. An attachment parent will tell you that you have to let your child share your bed or at least your room otherwise he will become detached and stressed and never learn to trust you. A Babywise mom will tell you that you have to keep your child in his own crib in his own nursery otherwise he will never learn to self-soothe and be independent. I hate to say it but you are both wrong. No one sleeping arrangement is guaranteed to produce the perfect child just like neither will ruin one. Truth be told, the safest place for your baby during the first few weeks (and even months) is in your room. Now, whether this means in your bed or in a crib in your room depends on what works best for you, but when a baby is waking up every 2-4 hours to be fed, the best place is in your room where you can hear her wake up and scoop her up to feed. Additionally, any new mom will inevitably experience the panicked "is the baby still breathing" checks which are much easier to do if you don't have to get up and walk to the nursery. Safe bed sharing and safe crib sleeping are a whole other post, but for now rest assured you are not creating a monster.

3. Nap with your baby
New parents are notoriously sleep deprived and while some of this is inescapable, a lot of it can be prevented by napping with your baby. The sad truth of new parenthood is that mom tends to baby's every need because if you're breastfeeding dad just can't help with those middle of the night feedings. The best way to handle the sleep deprivation that this leads to is to adopt your baby's sleep schedule. It is a fascinating phenomenon that when a woman sleeps near her baby their sleep cycles synchronize meaning that when you nap with your baby, you don't wake up tired. You wake up naturally and rested ready to attend to your baby's needs.

4. Wear Your Baby (Especially so you can shower)
I might not get much love from some moms for this tip but it's one that I've seen prove it's worth time and time again. When you have a fussy baby or just a light sleeper, wearing your baby can be a God-send. Ways to wear your baby are enough to fill a book (and they have), but can be as simple as a long piece of cloth tied into a wrap or a sling. The important thing to remember when wearing baby is to make sure the face is always visible and kissable so you can be sure baby can breath. A bonus tip, get yourself a polyester mesh sling or wrap so that you can bring baby into the shower with you. The material allows the water to permeate and reach baby without absorbing anything and becoming soggy. Most new babies love baths and showers but as always make sure he has room to breath.

5. Give Yourself a Break!
No mom is perfect so stop comparing yourself to other moms and stop berating yourself for every mistake you make. The movie clip that always comes to mind when explaining this to new moms is when the daddy club in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" explains the no judgement rule.

Alex: "You dropped your kid off a changing table?!"

Gabe: "Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette."

Craig: "I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday."

Patel: "I picked up the wrong baby from daycare."

Gabe: "I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging."

Like Gabe says in the movie, when it comes to parenting, sometimes stuff happens and sometimes it's terrifying and other times it's hilarious but in the end you can't beat yourself up over it, you have to give yourself a break.  

Bonus Tip for Dad: Mother the New Mother

As I said before, with a very new baby there is a limit to what dad is useful for. So in those first few weeks and months step up to be the mother that the new mother needs. Do the dishes and vacuum the house so that she doesn't feel like she has to sacrifice precious nap time to clean up. It may go unnoticed at first but you will be the behind the scenes hero and once the postpartum haze starts to lift she will likely notice and be incredibly grateful (which goes a long way in easing back into a sex life postpartum).

Tags: Tips for new moms, tips for moms to be, Tips for new dads, napping, sleep

Choices, Choices: Bottle Choices! Plastic, Stainless Steel or Glass

Parents are inundated with choices when it comes to their children from clothes to food to toys and everything in between. In fact I don't think there is a product out there that doesn't require parents to make at least a small choice on what to use for their children. Some of these choices we aren't even conscious of, and some of them cause parents to want to pull out their hair. Because of all these decisions to be made I've decided to start a series called "Choices, Choices!" So without further ado, let's dive into bottles.

While "breast is best" and I'm a big supporter of breastfeeding, there are many reasons why bottles become necessary. Whether you are using bottles in conjunction with pumping or as a delivery method for formula, there are many reasons families choose bottles. No parent should ever be vilified for choosing for formula feed her baby especially by someone who does not know the unique reasons and circumstances surrounding that choice.

So what are my choices?
I'm glad you asked! While most parents are aware of the existence of plastic bottles and have heard of the dangers of BPA, but hit snooze on your alarm button because the FDA banned the use of BPA in all baby bottles and sippy cups in 2012. Many parents are still wary of the use of plastic baby bottles because of this scare (and who can blame them) and because of this many alternatives have popped up on the market. Your grandmother may have used glass baby bottles and I'll tell you they're back with a vengeance and better than ever. In addition to glass and plastic though, stainless steel baby bottles are available from a few retailers and have their own list of benefits.

So onto the specifics

In the spirit of full disclosure I have not received financial incentive for inclusion of any brands. I have received free bottles from Dr. Browns and Mam for use in my doula and newborn education services, but have given them no preferential treatment because of this. All opinions expressed are my own and are drawn from personal and professional experience as well as the experiences of clients. Oh, I also have a Lifefactory bottle for my own personal use which I payed full retail price for.

Plastic Bottles
All plastic baby bottles and sippy cups sold in the United States are required to be BPA free as of July 2012, so bottles plastered with "100% BPA free!" advertisement are just trying to pull you in! In case you are in the market for used baby bottles (always a valid, money-saving option) be sure to look for a #7 symbol denoting the use of plastic #7 which contains BPA, a chemical known to leach into liquids when heated and linked to brain development and reproductive problems in rats.

The benefits of plastic bottles are quickly obvious: they are lightweight, hard to break, and tend to be the cheapest and most prolific option in bottles. They also do not sweat as much as glass bottles and are easy to see through making measuring a breeze.

The drawbacks are less so: plastic bottles are more difficult to clean as they have a tendency to scratch which can harbor bacteria if not properly cleaned. In my experience, plastic bottles are also the first to break in one form or another as they are easier to pierce or develop holes without parents noticing (which in one instance lead to a loss of precious breast milk for one client of mine).

The brands of plastic bottles available are too many to list here, but can be found though a quick Google search easily. I will address more plastic bottle brands in a later post, but I will list here the brands that I personally recommend and that are popular among my clients.

Dr Brown's Natural Flow bottles are very popular and are touted for their colic-reducing properties. Many of the parents I have worked with use Dr. Browns and they are available in both glass and plastic options. The internal parts only come in plastic, however (probably for the best as they are small), so be aware. The primary drawback with these bottles is that cleaning requires you to meticulously clean all parts with a tiny little pipe cleaner (included) and can be time consuming. I recommend the wide-neck version of Dr. Browns as they accommodate a nipple with a wider base that can be better for breastfed babies and helps them to maintain a wide-lip flange.

Philips-Avent Natural is another popular bottle that is advertised as being easier (at least easier than the same company's classic version) for breastfeeding babies. This bottle is also available in both glass and plastic versions and includes a wide nipple base that transitions smoothly to the bottle lid encouraging effective sucking that is less likely to lead to nipple-confusion with breast feeding. The primary complaint I receive about these bottles is that they are not as durable as other brands. Specifically the numbers on the bottle that show how many ounces are in the bottle wear off quickly and I have experienced some leaking issues.

Mam Anti-Colic bottles are also advertised as being good for transitioning from breastfeeding to bottlefeeding easily. These bottles are only available in plastic and are able to be both top and bottom filled by coming apart at both ends which also makes the body a cinch to clean. The bottom includes a vent that helps with air flow in order to reduce colic. Uniquely this bottle also includes a "self-sterilizing" function where all the bottle parts fit inside the bottle so that it can be steam-cleaned when microwaved with water inside. My mother would like me to include that I used a Mam pacifier as a child.

Glass Bottles
Glass bottles have been around even longer than plastic bottles and have made a strong comeback in the past few years because of the BPA controversy around plastic bottles. I mentioned two brands of bottles above that are available in both plastic and glass, Dr. Brown's and Avent Natural.

The benefits of glass bottles are that they most certainly easier to clean as glass is smooth and less likely to scratch meaning that most of the milk or formula is washed out with a simple rinse, but should still be given a good swipe with a bottle brush to be sure. They are also a much simpler material so there is less cause to be concerned about chemical contamination of formula or milk.

The drawbacks include that glass can break, though, and because of that many brands now offer silicone bottle sleeves that reduce breaking risk and aid in grip. Glass bottles also sweat significantly more, just one more reason to invest in silicone sleeves. Strangely, though glass is a cheaper material than plastic, glass bottles tend to be more expensive. Some brands have found a smart way to offset this additional cost, however, by making bottles than can be converted into sippy cups and child water bottles later on by simply switching out the lid.

The brands of glass bottles are growing every day, but aside from the bottles available in both plastic and glass, these are mine and my clients' favorite brands.

Lifefactory bottles are truly versatile. The company makes bottles in a variety of sizes from 4 oz baby bottles to 22 oz adult bottles and they all come with a silicone sleeve attached. The measurements are actually on the sleeve itself so there is no fading issue or problems with the numbers being covered up because of the sleeve. What makes them a great option is the versatility of the bottle itself and their ability to grow with your child. By switching out the lids the same bottle can become a sippy cup, straw cup or water bottle. These bottles can use any standard size nipple (not wide-neck) and are not vented so they may not be the best option for the newest of babies, but can be a great choice for older babies who may be switching to sippy cups in a few months.


5phases bottles are a unique take on glass bottles as they are actually a hybrid. The part that touches the milk or formula itself is glass, but is inserted into a plastic bottle so that there is less of a chance of breakage. The glass inserts can be used for storage of homemade baby food after your child has graduated from bottles and in theory, one plastic bottle can be used with multiple glass inserts cutting down on costs. 5phases bottles are not "guaranteed compatible" with any other nipples, however, and we all know how picky babies can be.




Stainless Steel Bottles
Stainless steel is a relative newcomer to the baby bottle market, but has been around for adult water bottles for a while. While it can be difficult to find stainless steel bottles in stores, they are readily available online and have their own set of benefits.

The benefits of steel bottles are unique to them, most notably that some have insulating properties allowing them to keep milk warm or cold for hours. Not all brands have this feature though and those that don't have the alternative benefit of being able to very effectively feel the temperature of the liquid inside. Stainless steel is easy to clean and very durable-even unbreakable- and resisting most scratches. Stainless steel is also recyclable, making them a green option when they are not re-purposed into sippy cups and water bottles for older children. Stainless steel bottles also warm up much faster than other bottles, some in even 1/8th of the time.

The drawbacks are that they are more difficult to measure because they are not transparent at all. While most brands include measurement indents visible on both the inside and outside of the bottle and others provide a measuring cup as part of the lid, it can still be a pain to measure. Additionally, they can sweat with cold liquids, though not as bad as glass.

The brands are still somewhat limited, but the most popular brands I have listed here. They are all very similar, though, with the main selling point being the very existence of stainless steel baby bottles. Because of this I'm going to group them together for a rapid-fire summary.

 


From left to right: Organickidz, Kid Kanteen, and Pura Kiki are all single-wall bottles so they are not insulated, but the heat from the liquid inside can be felt on the outsize. Organikidz and Pura Kiki can be altered to be used as sippy cups and water bottles and Pura Kiki are compatible with quite a few nipples.

So as you can see...
There are a lot of choices in baby bottles and that's just where your choices start. Remember, though, that no matter how much time you spend researching bottles and carefully choosing your favorites, babies are still notoriously finicky and can ruin your best plans in less than a second. Be sure to purchase just one or two of a bottle before you invest in a full set because just because you like it does not mean your baby will.

Tags: Baby Bottles, Stainless Steel Baby Bottles, Glass Baby Bottles, Plastic vs glass vs stainless steel baby bottles, Pros and Cons, Glass vs Plastic baby bottles, baby bottle choices

Why "The Mommy Whisperer"

So I've used the name "The Mommy Whisperer" for a while now and from time to time I get the question of why. It's simple really; Anyone who has ever read the book or seen the movie "The Horse Whisperer" will at least notice the reference but for me it is even more cliche than that. It all traces back to two lines:

Annie: I've heard you help people with horse problems.
Tom Booker: Truth is, I help horses with people problems.

As a doula I get a few reactions when describing my chosen line of work. The most irritating of which (and I'm sure any nanny can empathize) is "Oh, so you're a babysitter" -Cue the nanny frustration- In short, no, I don't "just babysit", but another reaction I get is people saying that I help mom's with their baby problems. In this way I like the title of "Mommy Whisperer" because I don't help mommies with their baby problems, I help babies with their mommy problems.

Tags: Nannies, Babysitter, Mommy Whisperer