Quick Update on Life and Thoughts on Christmas

So December is a crazy month for me this year. My wonderful Nanny Family (NF) is gearing up for their long-planned move to Asheville at the end of the month. While I will be sad to see them go, I have known that move was planned since I first took the job so I am excited to see them start the next chapter of their life. Originally they had planned a move date of January 6th (my birthday - easy enough to remember) which seemed incredibly fortuitous as I was offered a position with a new family starting on the 7th. They were lucky enough to have sold their house in less than 2 days for more than their asking price thanks to some wonderful staging and a truly kick-ass real estate agent. The quick sale came with a quick closing date of December 20th necessitating an acceleration of their moving plans. So now they are moving just after Christmas (staying with family until then) and leaving me with just enough vacation days this month to put me on the edge of losing my mind!

Christmas shopping of course present it's own unique set of complications that no one ever realizes as a child. One of the nice parts of being one half of a couple is that presents become joint ventures, balancing out the effective doubling of your list. I tackle Christmas gifts with 3 lists; Acquaintances & Coworkers, Clients & Colleagues, and Family & Friends.

Acquaintances & Coworkers receive something small and usually homemade, but still useful and not junk. This year that means gifts in a jar! Each person gets a jar with all the ingredients for a homemade soup or stew ready to go with directions on the tag.

Clients & Colleagues are important because they are your link to the rest of the community and the referrals that can produce. I haven't yet settled on a gift for this category yet, but will probably have Christmas cards printed up paired with a small (but useful) child/baby related gift.

Friends & Family is the classic "Christmas List" category where each person receives one or more gifts that can range in price from inexpensive to over a hundred dollars. These are the people you get stocking stuffers for and don't open the presents until Christmas. My list this year looks like:

Boyfriend
BF's Mom
BF's Step-dad
BF's Grandparents
My Mom
My Dad
My Sister & Her Boyfriend
My Brother
My Nanny Family

So, overall this is not a terribly long list. I include my NF on this list because they deserve more than just a generic clients gift. While each nanny takes on gift-giving occasions in the NF differently, I've always preferred to get a gift for my charge(s), and something for one or both of the parents (usually the mother) if and only if I find something that is particularly suited to them.

The last gift I give for Christmas is more of a charitable tradition than a gift. During the month of December all debts are forgiven. I vaguely remember something in the bible about canceling debts once a year, but for me this is just an excuse to say "don't worry about it" more often. If I loan someone some money or pick them up something while I'm at the store, this month it is just a small gift. If they do pay me back anyways, I consider it a gift as well.

While I would love to be able to make a charitable donation, my finances usually do not permit me such flexibility, but this does not mean I forgo charity all together. I prefer constant small acts of charity throughout the year. These acts of compassion towards our fellow man are all too rare these days, but are something that gives me great inner joy. People seem to be more aware and more charitable around the holidays, but try to keep that feeling all year long. Bring a coffee to the salvation army bell ringer! Offer a bottle of water to the sign spinners in the summer! Just take the chance to do something small and it will make a big difference for someone else.

Spending Local: When it Works and When it Doesnt

I am typing this post (at least the first part of it) from a place I rarely come: Starbucks. Being an enthusiastic supporter of local business, the neighborhood coffee shop is the cornerstone of those habits. Before moving to Raleigh I knew of three good quality local coffee shops that could give me a comfortable atmosphere to relax and caffeinate in the morning. Although I have yet to find the exact atmosphere I'm searching for I have found a couple of coffee shops that live up to my standards since moving.

So why, if I've found multiple coffee shops, am I typing this from Starbucks? Simple- they are the only ones open before 6. On a fairly regular basis I find myself between working hours. From 6am to 8am I need to find a place to get some caffeine and browse my nook. I have come to discover that in Raleigh (very differently from DC) no one is awake at 6am and most coffee shops wait until 7 just to open. So here Starbucks fills a need with a grande triple-shot white chocolate skim mocha at 5:45am.

This Starbucks experience can be generalized to other missed "shop local" opportunities. The reality is that I'm the only one here for opening and even in the first hour few straggle in. Local business can't afford to staff these hours because they don't get enough out of it. I would be willing to pay a little extra for local coffee, but it's just not available.

So when do you find yourself opting for the corporate store over the local one?

Off-Topic Continued: Cell Phone Search

Life is a mixture of blessings and curses. The cliche "two sides to every coin" comes to mind and I am no different. I like to research and I like spreadsheets. Most of the time I really do enjoy researching and making spread sheets especially before making an important purchase and because of this it is my blessing. On the other hand it is also a curse because my need to research and organize that data into a spreadsheet tends to continue past the point of enjoyment.

I am lucky enough to have had a guardian angel of sorts in my life at precisely the time I needed one. A little over a year ago my life was a grab bag of suckiness. I had just moved to Raleigh from Northern Virginia and was living with my sister. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years (quite dramatically I might add) and I had no job prospects. It was in my search for a job that I met my guardian angel, D. We hit it off so well that my interview turned into 3 hours of girl talk and within a few weeks I was moved in as a live-in nanny. Another big help that D gave me was adding me to her family's cell phone plan and getting me am iPhone 4. Over a year later, I haven't lived with D for many months now, but still have that phone. I now have the means to pay for my own cell phone and intend to do so, not to separate myself from D, but to add to my own independence.

So after a year of not having to worry about a cell phone bill I had forgotten how expensive they can be! Enter my research and spreadsheets. It just so happens that my boyfriend needs a cell plan too since his mother is getting a company phone and will not continue paying for his. So off I went to research my options. He is a devout iPhone user (although I may be bringing him over), and I have a clear preference for android. I quickly learned that if you are okay with having a non-smartphome (dumb phone or feature phone), then by far your cheapest option is to pay for the phone you want (usually available for $50-100) and use a month-to-month or pay-as-you-go plan. While it is very important to check the coverage in your area before selecting your carrier, these plans can be as cheap as $30 a month for unlimited talk and text.

If you plan to have a smartphone, though, the choices get much pricier and more confusing. First let me say do not be fooled by contract plans. The popular feature to advertise is being able to upgrade your phone yearly rather than only when your contract renews. I'm those cases you are not being given anothet upgrade because you are paying full price for a new phone, they just break it up into payments and add it to your monthly bill. That gets expensive fast.

My research put all the cell phone carriers right around $140 with the differences over 24 months being negligible leaving coverage in your area as the deciding factor.

That just seemed like a lot to me so I continued on to look at monthly plans. Monthly plans require you to buy your phone up front (Usually between $400 and $600 for a smartphone), but averaged $50 a month for unlimited talk, text and data (usually throttled around 2.5gb). StraighTalk was the cheapest plan coming in at $45 a month, and if you don't do much talking, Virgin Mobile offers unlimited text and data with only 400 min for $35 a month. So over the course of 2 years you do save some money buying the phone outright. In the end, though I decided to gamble on a new player.

Enter Republic Wireless. In many ways they are a regular month-to-month carrier, but they are truly unique. Republic's most expensive plan is $40 a month and includes unlimited talk, text, and 4g data. The strangest thing about Republic is the lack of phone choices. The only phones you can use on Republic are the Motorola Defy and the Moto X. The reason for the limited options is that they include specialized hardware to allow your calls to go over WiFi whenever available, using cell towers Ina secondary capacity. Its a very interesting concept and the reason the plans are priced so well. It took some research into the capabilities of the Moto X before I was sold, but I will be ordering a Moto X for use on Republic Wireless at the end of the week. Republic offers the Moto X at $299 - half the price of the main carriers. Once I have my phone I can choose from 4 different and very well priced plans: $5 for unlimited use only over WiFi, $10 for unlimited WiFi and unlimited talk and text over cell towers, $25 for unlimited everything and 3g data, and $40 for unlimited everything with 4g. I don't know if I'll choose the 3g or 4g plan, but I can switch plans up to twice a month if I want to and I can also send the phone back for a full refund within 30 days if I don't like it. Since the company is based out of Raleigh I'm assuming it works well, but it is nice to know I can send it back if I want.

The affordability of this plan even has my hardcore iPhone boyfriend considering switching to android. I told him he could play with my phone before buying one. I'll be sure to update on how well it works after I've had it for a few weeks.

I'm Back and Off-Topic

Fair warning to all before you read, this is an "off-topic" post meaning it very likely has nothing to do with kids or parenting. Starting off, I never have an exact idea of where this post will go but technology is a good bet.

So I guess it really is humorously coincidental that I seemingly disappear right after a post discussing the difficulties of blogging, but here I am to say I never left you! My absense was due in part to illness which made my bed my bestest friend and in part to the fact that I have embraced the use of a tablet. I will admit that a tablet is far easier to bring along when working than a laptop, but there are quite a few downfalls as well. I'm actually attempting to write this post on a 7" Nook HD tablet and in comparison to the posts I have written on my iPhone, I have to say I prefer the iPhone.

This week has been a research filled adventure for me as far as technology is concerned because in addition to purchasing a tablet I had to pick out a phone and carrier. All of my rhangouts)has led me to the conclusion that in today's WiFi connected world each device fills a particular need for the user and each user's needs are different.

Primary Full-Function Computer

By this point we pretty much all have this one. This is either a Windows PC or a Mac and for most of us is a laptop. It is true that in the past a laptop was considered "on the go" computing, but today we are constantly on the go so we all just have laptops.

My laptop is a 12.1 inch HP Touchsmart Convertible Laptop. I bought it after community college before starting at university and I put a ton of research into it. I was an early adopter of both touchscreen and convertible laptops and in high school I had a convertible Asus netbook with a resistive touchscreen (all the techies are laughing at my resistive touch screen). If I'm completely honest with myself I've always loved the looks of wonder and awe that I get when effortlessly flipping the screen around to lay flat in tablet mode. By now I don't get that reaction because in the past year convertible tablets have become the "it" thing to have so my computer looks just like everyone else's "new" computer (even though it's three years old!). My touchscreen came with a Wacom active digitizer which is basically a pen that works on your screen and the benefits of this pen are simple, yet profound. You get fun features to show off like being pressure sensitive and having a digital eraser on the end, but most importantly, when you are using the pen your hand is ignored. For me in college this meant that I could naturally take notes easily and have them quickly converted to text.

So, for me, my HP is the perfect computer when I need a keyboard for writing or any serious computing. Even the 12.1 inch size is tailored to my preference. Coming from having used a netbook I wanted something big enough for a full-sized keyboard but still smaller than the standard 15" laptop screen. After all, if I'm watching a movie I can always hook up to a TV. Even though it is not a novelty item any more, I don't think I'll be replacing my laptop any time soon.

After about a month of working nights as a doula/night nanny I came to appreciate how bulky even my small laptop was. On a slow night where a baby sleeps well I could be stuck finding a way to entertain myself for 5-6 hours easily after getting the cleaning done. Bringing my laptop requires me to bring my backpack instead of my tote and the amount of time I chose yo play on my phone instead led me to start researching a tablet purchase. 

The In-Between Computer-Tablet

One of the first places I went for advice was my brothet . my brother is currently deployed and on active duty with the Navy on board the USS Nimitz. Since he doesn't have a wife or children to support back in port, he has certainly fallen into the trap of having lots of money saved up by the time you have shore leave. Because he for some reason assumed I, too, had such money saved he suggested the Microsoft Surface Tablet. For a couple of days I did flirt with this as an option. The Surface Pro (his suggestion) goes for about $900 and as far as functionality does pretty much everything my HP laptop does. In the end, I came to the conclusion that the Surface was essentially a convertible that fell more on the tablet side than the laptop side and therefore was not what I was looking for.

Tablets: Mobile Media Consumption & Web Browsing

So the Surface was too much computer for me. I had to sit down and ask myself "why do you need a tablet?" And "What fo you want your tablet to do". Here are the answers I came up with:

• Something light weight and portable 
• Browse the web easily
• Bigger than my phone, but smaller than my laptop
• Read books
• Watch movies
• Play flash games

Not a terribly demanding list, it showed me some basics immediately. Size was the first factor I figured out; I think that 7-8" is the sweet spot for tablets. Since my computer is only 12.1", a 10" tablet just seemed too big. I'm a little person (5' on a good day) and my tiny hands have issues with iPads and similarly sized tablets. My tablet needed to be "iPad mini" sized. The iPad mini was even on my list of possibilities, but never made it too high because of the price, incompatibility with flash, and honestly I prefer android over iOS. Sorry to the apple fans out there but I've had an iPhone for over a year now and while it certainly has it's appeal, I'm going back to android at the end of the week. 

So in the field of 7-8" android tablets my short list consisted of:

• Nexus 7
• Samsung Galaxy note 8.0
• Samsung Galaxy tab 8.0
• Nook HD

While I would have loved to get a Samsung, the price was a bit high and I couldn't shake the feeling that they were going to be obsolete at any moment. So the real competition came down to the Nexus 7 at $229 and the Nook HD at $129. In the end, I just couldn't justify an extra hundred dollars for a camera. To me that seemed to be the only difference. While I could certainly go into the specs of each device, there are tech blogs that will do that for you (I'll even link to a few at the end of this post). If I ever decide I want a pure android experience I can mess around with the software and get it. Now, price point was the deciding factor in the end for me, but my choice has implications. With the Nook HD I cannot do video chats (no facetime, Skype, or hangouts) and even though I have access to the Google Play store, a lot of apps are listed as "not compatible with your device", so who knows, maybe I will mess with the software a bit and update in a later post.

Cell Phone (and provider)...TBC

I had intended to include my quest for a cell provider and a phone to match, but this post I already long enough and that subject just might demand its own post.

Blogging is Harder Than it Seems

Even babies have a hard time writing about babies!

The Mommy Whisperer is not my first attempt at blogging. Being a member of the "millennial" generation, blogging is a term and a concept that I have grown up with. I honestly cannot remember when the term first appeared or a time before there were blogs, but that doesn't mean they come to me second nature. Truthfully, it requires a lot more work and effort than anyone (including me) would initially think. Some of it is obvious; you need decent writing skills and an ability to type without using "text-speak", but some of the difficulty lies in areas you wouldn't initially consider. The parts of blogging that you expect to come easier than they do are readers, topics, and time.

Time (for me) is the most surprisingly difficult one. When I started The Mommy Whisperer I felt that I had a decent amount of semi-free time in which to pull out my laptop and write a great blog post. After a couple of weeks in blog land I've come to redefine "free time". In a great example of Murphy's Law, since starting this blog my contract clients have doubled (or tripled in the case of last week), and my down-time during overnights has been cut out by babies who have decided sleep is just not their thing anymore. When I do find time where I am neither working nor sleeping, remembering to type up a blog post never seems to happen. Add to this timing issue the fact that when I do have the time to write, I always want to write about something that demands a good deal of research (There's no way I could allow myself to write a "quick post" about Postpartum Mood Disorders) and that is just going to take up more time that I do not have.

Topics tend to compound with time, but certainly do not take the top spot for blogging blues. For me (and for most bloggers I imagine) topics tend to come out of what I am dealing with at the time. For example, because of what my clients and friends are currently dealing with I have plans to write posts on Postpartum Mood Disorders, Can Infants Have Nightmares, Hard-to-Find Nursing Bras, and I seem to think of a new one every time I work. The problem with this kind of topic selection is that it is definitely research intensive. Opinion posts are so much harder to come up with. I want to provide good, readable, evidence-based information to parents, but there are a lot of topics available that tend to make you pick a side. I'm not interested in the "Mommy Wars" and I don't want to alienate a parent who could potentially benefit from some of the information I share. I know that a central part of blogging is allowing your own personality and opinions into your writing, but it seems that I have a way to go before I can comfortably proclaim whose side I'm on.

As I've already said, I don't want to alienate potential readers. I do believe that as time goes on and this blog matures (and hopefully attracts more readers), I will be less concerned with alienation, but while I'm still trying to attract readers its an issue. Most of the advice you can read on blogging tells you not to worry about readers - they will come if you are writing something worthwhile. While I don't think I would be so concerned as to write only posts that will attract readers, I do want to know what readers are interested in. Writing it down makes it seem even sillier than I thought at first. I have the whole internet of people to appeal to. I guess this would go better in a post on "Why I Started Blogging", but writing is notably cathartic and often times once you put something in print it is easier to think about rationally. So, ignoring my comments about appealing to readers, just attracting some can be tough work! I'm having to learn how to write a decent title and how to make my posts "pinterest friendly". I tried posting on reddit only to discover; A - a lot of reddit users don't like you posting your blog posts, and B - reddit is a wonderful and addicting community. A lot of leg work goes into finding readers and making your blog available to be found.

So, when compared to my initial expectations (or lack thereof), blogging is tough work. I can see how it really could be a full time job maintaining a blog if you consider all the research and legwork involved (even more if you try to monetize it). There are a lot of positives to blogging too, though. I've remembered how much I love writing and extended my reach to help educate parents way beyond what I am capable of in person. I'm sure that as I continue blogging, it will get easier. I'll attract more readers and get better at finding time and topics. Even since the beginning of this post one difficulty has lessened and because of that I think I might just start an opinion piece.

Best Halloween Costumes for Pregnant and New Moms

Since we are getting close to Halloween I thought I'd round up some of my favorite costumes with a focus on new and expecting moms. You will not see any pumpkin bellies or "house wife/milk man" couples costumes here. NO! We only allow the best. So, without further ado...(All photos link to their original source or pin)

Expecting

Pregnant cross-dressing? YES

It's important to pet your zombie fetus

Pregnant cross-dressing again! Starting to feel like there's a double standard here

For when you are certain that thing is going to crawl out of you

For when your hemorrhoids get in the way of costume shopping

With Newbie

Mom only thinks she's keeping the money

This zombie mom was infected later in her pregnancy

Best of Kids

"Is that seriously an ALIEN!?"

Do you still hear the lambs Clarice?

Let's Talk About Crying

I had a whole post planned, thought out, and even mostly written and then tonight happened. I truly believe the universe has it's own way of making sure you never feel like you have completely mastered something. Up until about 2 hours ago, I was feeling pretty damn good about my abilities to soothe babies and impart tested tips and tricks (try saying that 3 times fast) on new mothers. But tonight the universe handed me a purple crying baby and said "fix this one". 

This normally fairly average baby who has been doing a pretty decent job sleeping at night had suddenly turned into a banshee. What is worse is that no matter what I did (and believe me, I've got tricks) he cried. And screamed. And squalled. Nothing was going to console this child. 

So what was wrong with him? Well, time will certainly tell on that one, but I have a couple of theories. First, he may be working on his first tooth. Second, he was stuck in a crying-gas-crying-gas cycle. Third, nothing. Absolutely nothing was wrong with him.

The Period of Purple Crying is the fun name for the period of hell in a parent's life where their baby screams in such a way that you would think a toe was being cut off but in reality nothing is wrong at all. So how do you know if your baby is purple crying? First let's go through the list of other things that make babies cry:

Is he/she...

Hungry?

Gassy?

Hot?

Cold?

Need diaper changed?

Uncomfortable clothes?

Being poked by something?

Scratched?

Overstimulated?

Tired?

Wants to he held?

Running a fever?

Thinking about an unpleasant future as a public accountant when really he wants to be a producer?

If you answered no to all of these and your child is between 2 weeks and 4 months, you may have a purple crier. If so, strap in, take a deep breath and most importantly DON'T SHAKE THE BABY! I'm quite serious about that, I believe not being prepared for purple crying leads to shaken babies. If it gets to a point where you feel you can't handle anymore, hand the baby off to another trusted adult and if one is unavailable put the baby in a safe place and walk away.

Seriously, Walk Away. As long as you know the baby is safe (you can certainly hear him), walk away an give yourself a few minutes to breathe. 

Really Honest Parenting Books

Everyone has one place or situation where they habitually have great conversations. For me and my family this is in the garage. Now, our garage is not a place for cars, but more of a second living room. My father refers to it as his "redneck garage" although I don't think I would categorize it in such a way. Our garage has carpeting and recliners as well as surround sound and an 50'' TV because my father definitely has an addiction to buying TVs (we have tried to stage an intervention but he refuses to admit he has a problem). So it is here that we all get together, have a few drinks and test theories in the Greek fashion.

If a theory could survive debate both sober and drunk it was considered to be truth

So last night we got onto the topic of parenting books and came up with a few choice titles for parenting books that we would like to write.

How to Not Raise a Douche-Bag

This was really where the conversation took off and it all started with wipe warmers. I believe children with wipe warmers are more likely to grow up to be douche-bags. Why? Because you are literally trying to add comfort and luxury to wiping your child's ass and the first time you have to change a diaper quickly in a grocery store restroom that child is going to scream bloody murder because the wipes are cold. Do your kid a favor and let them have a few parts of life that are not bubble wrapped. Kids who have wipe warmers are the same ones who have leather car seats and are just skewed from infancy towards being those kids you want to punch in the face.

They Will All Disappoint You at Some Point
This one came from my (loving) father. He was quick to clarify that they will also make you proud but he wants to write a book that prepares parents for the inevitable truth that at some point your child will disappoint you. It might not be a huge disappointment and it probably won't be something that you'll never be able to get over, but it will be something. For those of you who say your child could never disappoint you I warn you to prepare for one thought to pass through your head; "I didn't raise you to do that". No, you didn't raise them to do that and you may have tried to raise them not to but just like there are always mistakes in parenting, there are also always mistakes in childhood. 

They Will Not Be Like You

There is a reason why half of all "coming of age" stories involve a child standing up to their parents and yelling "I'm not you!". While they may possess your DNA, they are not going to be exactly like you. Your child is a small person and childhood and adolescence is a time for them to discover who they are. It's very difficult to figure out who you are when you have a parent trying to make sure that you are your father.

Never, Ever, Ever, Ever Reproduce 

This will actually become a guest post from my father at some point and a title that he says is only partially sarcastic. He sums this book up in the statement "You thought it was a great idea until it was too late".

Sleep is Overrated: Children are Worth It

If I had a dollar for every mom-blog post that tries to make sleep deprivation a funny topic I would never have to work another day in my life. Everyone knows that once you have kids sleep becomes a luxury that can't be afforded at most times, but those deliriously happy sleep deprived memories with your kids are worth it. Too much sleep just might mean you sleep through an amazing moment so drink another cup of coffee and go jump on the trampoline!

You Just Thought You Had This Figured Out

This book is for all my colleagues and friends in childcare. Just because you've taken care of other people's kids for years doesn't mean you will have any idea what you are doing when you have kids yourself. Almost every client I've ever had has made some sort of comment to the tune of "Kid's are gonna be so easy for you!" But for some reason my experience has been that the most abnormally difficult and complicated kids seem to be reserved for nannies.

Green Beans and Ketchup are a Parent's Best Friend

This is a title straight from my own childhood and is a story with a great lesson. When I was two there was a dinner where I had already eaten everything on my plate with the exception of the green beans. I was still hungry and wanted more food but refused to eat the green beans. My parents refused to give me more hamburger and mashed potatoes until I ate the green beans. Hours of standoff ensued until my aunt came over and started joking around with me. Apparently at this point I told her that I would eat the green beans if they had ketchup on them (I was a fairly articulate child). So she dutifully got the ketchup out and drowned the green beans which I proceeded to eat all of. To this day I have not eaten green beans again but that story was less about the green beans and more about a parent vs child battle of wills. In the end, we both won - I got my ketchup covered green beans (if you put enough ketchup on anything you can't taste it) and my parents got me to eat the green beans. The lesson here is more than one of compromise but also one of where the answer came from - they asked me.

They Won't Die: Let Them Wait til Breakfast

The fact that sending your kids to bed without dinner can be used as a punishment is certainly a first-world concept. There are kids all around the world who go to bed hungry every night. I'm not saying it's something you should make a habit of but when your kids refuse to eat what you have made there are few responses that will effectively convey your point as sending them to bed without anything at all. It will not kill them, they will have breakfast in the morning, but they're far more likely to eat what you make the following night. In my house there has never been any special meals or food made for the kids. When someone makes a meal for everyone, everyone eats it.

Parenting Tips from Raising a Dog

I can already feel the backlash from this one but there are a lot of similarities between dogs and small children. You train your dog to go outside and your kids to use a toilet. You have to train both of them to not put everything in their mouth. They both have a habit of peeing themselves when they get excited. There are way more similarities than you may think and a lot of lessons to learn too. One of my favorite lessons that works equally well for children and dogs is stick it in a piece of cheese and give it to them.

Someone Has to Lose
This book conveys a lesson for both kids and parents. Parenting sometimes feels like a series of small battles between yourself and your child. While it is certainly true that in order to learn respect and obedience your kids have to lose a lot of those battles, it is just as true that sometimes the parents are going to lose. Kids can be unbelievably stubborn and tend to get more so the longer the standoff goes. When you lose it doesn't have to be obvious, but in some situations it is better to quietly take the loss and move onto something else rather than drag it out. For your kids this is a concept that isn't learned as much today. In order for someone to win - someone has to lose. A kid who always gets a trophy even if he's the lowest scoring player on the team can't experience the pride of winning if he's never experienced the disappointment of loss. This doesn't mean that you should make your kids feel bad for losing, but it does mean that you should let it happen because in the real world there are winners and losers and shielding your child from this reality is not helping anyone.

So what about you? If you were to write a parenting book what would the title be?

Friday Favorites

Fridays are currently a day I have off. Due to contract work and flexible scheduling this could always change in the near future, but for the time being Fridays are my day to clean the house and catch up on the interwebs (yes - I use the word interwebs). In this case it also means catching up on my favorite blogs and sharing with you my favorite blog posts this week.

10 Quick, Easy Dinners for Moms Who Hate Getting Overly Cheerful E-mails Describing Which "10 Quick, Easy Dinners" they should be making.

Thank you Reddit for helping me find the only blog post I absolutely loved this week. Maybe I'll have a chance to read more tomorrow and add a few that I (also) love, but for now this is a slow Friday because all the successfully mommy and baby bloggers are off having fun at the ABC Kids Expo (no, I'm not bitter or jealous, what are you talking about). On the plus side that means next week we should have lots of blogs with exciting pictures of new products to pass judgement on.

Enjoy your weekend and try to keep your kids from eating any dog poop!

5 Simple Tips for New Moms (and Moms-to-Be)

You can Google all day for tips for a new mom and come across a thousand different opinions on what you should do or shouldn't do and in the end there's only one thing you can really learn: According to the internet, you will be a terrible parent. Because it is only too true that for every opinion from every "expert" there is an opposing opinion from a just as qualified "expert". The truth is, there are no experts - just people who have dealt with kids longer. There is no right or wrong way to parent, just what works best for you. And for those of you unfamiliar with the term "mommywars" just spend some time clicking through mommy blogs and you'll see that most opinions are sternly, steadfastly and stubbornly held onto. I'm here to tell you that whatever works for you is the right way to parent, but that being said, there are a few universal tips and truths that I share with all the new mothers I work with and would like so much to share with the world.

1. Changing Tables are Useless
This always seems to be one of the "essential" items on any ready-made baby registry list and is the one thing I can't help but warn against. The changing table is a dedicated piece of furniture in your newly furnished nursery that serves the express purpose of holding a child in place while you change their sometimes toxic diaper. If a decade in child and mommy care has taught me one thing it is that the floor is a changing table. So is the couch, the bed, the car, the stroller, the kitchen floor or pretty much any other semi-flat surface that is available when that diaper needs changing. My advice to new moms is to skip the changing table and just buy a changing pad. Put the pad on top of a dresser or in a large window ledge or wherever else it is convenient and save yourself a couple hundred dollars that can go to other things...like diapers.

2. Co-Sleeping or Crib Sleeping Will NOT Ruin Your Child
This is one of those areas where the Mommy Wars kicks into full gear. There are two polar opposite types of moms online (in the real world most fall somewhere in between): Babywise Moms and Attachment Parents. An attachment parent will tell you that you have to let your child share your bed or at least your room otherwise he will become detached and stressed and never learn to trust you. A Babywise mom will tell you that you have to keep your child in his own crib in his own nursery otherwise he will never learn to self-soothe and be independent. I hate to say it but you are both wrong. No one sleeping arrangement is guaranteed to produce the perfect child just like neither will ruin one. Truth be told, the safest place for your baby during the first few weeks (and even months) is in your room. Now, whether this means in your bed or in a crib in your room depends on what works best for you, but when a baby is waking up every 2-4 hours to be fed, the best place is in your room where you can hear her wake up and scoop her up to feed. Additionally, any new mom will inevitably experience the panicked "is the baby still breathing" checks which are much easier to do if you don't have to get up and walk to the nursery. Safe bed sharing and safe crib sleeping are a whole other post, but for now rest assured you are not creating a monster.

3. Nap with your baby
New parents are notoriously sleep deprived and while some of this is inescapable, a lot of it can be prevented by napping with your baby. The sad truth of new parenthood is that mom tends to baby's every need because if you're breastfeeding dad just can't help with those middle of the night feedings. The best way to handle the sleep deprivation that this leads to is to adopt your baby's sleep schedule. It is a fascinating phenomenon that when a woman sleeps near her baby their sleep cycles synchronize meaning that when you nap with your baby, you don't wake up tired. You wake up naturally and rested ready to attend to your baby's needs.

4. Wear Your Baby (Especially so you can shower)
I might not get much love from some moms for this tip but it's one that I've seen prove it's worth time and time again. When you have a fussy baby or just a light sleeper, wearing your baby can be a God-send. Ways to wear your baby are enough to fill a book (and they have), but can be as simple as a long piece of cloth tied into a wrap or a sling. The important thing to remember when wearing baby is to make sure the face is always visible and kissable so you can be sure baby can breath. A bonus tip, get yourself a polyester mesh sling or wrap so that you can bring baby into the shower with you. The material allows the water to permeate and reach baby without absorbing anything and becoming soggy. Most new babies love baths and showers but as always make sure he has room to breath.

5. Give Yourself a Break!
No mom is perfect so stop comparing yourself to other moms and stop berating yourself for every mistake you make. The movie clip that always comes to mind when explaining this to new moms is when the daddy club in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" explains the no judgement rule.

Alex: "You dropped your kid off a changing table?!"

Gabe: "Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette."

Craig: "I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday."

Patel: "I picked up the wrong baby from daycare."

Gabe: "I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging."

Like Gabe says in the movie, when it comes to parenting, sometimes stuff happens and sometimes it's terrifying and other times it's hilarious but in the end you can't beat yourself up over it, you have to give yourself a break.  

Bonus Tip for Dad: Mother the New Mother

As I said before, with a very new baby there is a limit to what dad is useful for. So in those first few weeks and months step up to be the mother that the new mother needs. Do the dishes and vacuum the house so that she doesn't feel like she has to sacrifice precious nap time to clean up. It may go unnoticed at first but you will be the behind the scenes hero and once the postpartum haze starts to lift she will likely notice and be incredibly grateful (which goes a long way in easing back into a sex life postpartum).

Tags: Tips for new moms, tips for moms to be, Tips for new dads, napping, sleep

Choices, Choices: Bottle Choices! Plastic, Stainless Steel or Glass

Parents are inundated with choices when it comes to their children from clothes to food to toys and everything in between. In fact I don't think there is a product out there that doesn't require parents to make at least a small choice on what to use for their children. Some of these choices we aren't even conscious of, and some of them cause parents to want to pull out their hair. Because of all these decisions to be made I've decided to start a series called "Choices, Choices!" So without further ado, let's dive into bottles.

While "breast is best" and I'm a big supporter of breastfeeding, there are many reasons why bottles become necessary. Whether you are using bottles in conjunction with pumping or as a delivery method for formula, there are many reasons families choose bottles. No parent should ever be vilified for choosing for formula feed her baby especially by someone who does not know the unique reasons and circumstances surrounding that choice.

So what are my choices?
I'm glad you asked! While most parents are aware of the existence of plastic bottles and have heard of the dangers of BPA, but hit snooze on your alarm button because the FDA banned the use of BPA in all baby bottles and sippy cups in 2012. Many parents are still wary of the use of plastic baby bottles because of this scare (and who can blame them) and because of this many alternatives have popped up on the market. Your grandmother may have used glass baby bottles and I'll tell you they're back with a vengeance and better than ever. In addition to glass and plastic though, stainless steel baby bottles are available from a few retailers and have their own list of benefits.

So onto the specifics

In the spirit of full disclosure I have not received financial incentive for inclusion of any brands. I have received free bottles from Dr. Browns and Mam for use in my doula and newborn education services, but have given them no preferential treatment because of this. All opinions expressed are my own and are drawn from personal and professional experience as well as the experiences of clients. Oh, I also have a Lifefactory bottle for my own personal use which I payed full retail price for.

Plastic Bottles
All plastic baby bottles and sippy cups sold in the United States are required to be BPA free as of July 2012, so bottles plastered with "100% BPA free!" advertisement are just trying to pull you in! In case you are in the market for used baby bottles (always a valid, money-saving option) be sure to look for a #7 symbol denoting the use of plastic #7 which contains BPA, a chemical known to leach into liquids when heated and linked to brain development and reproductive problems in rats.

The benefits of plastic bottles are quickly obvious: they are lightweight, hard to break, and tend to be the cheapest and most prolific option in bottles. They also do not sweat as much as glass bottles and are easy to see through making measuring a breeze.

The drawbacks are less so: plastic bottles are more difficult to clean as they have a tendency to scratch which can harbor bacteria if not properly cleaned. In my experience, plastic bottles are also the first to break in one form or another as they are easier to pierce or develop holes without parents noticing (which in one instance lead to a loss of precious breast milk for one client of mine).

The brands of plastic bottles available are too many to list here, but can be found though a quick Google search easily. I will address more plastic bottle brands in a later post, but I will list here the brands that I personally recommend and that are popular among my clients.

Dr Brown's Natural Flow bottles are very popular and are touted for their colic-reducing properties. Many of the parents I have worked with use Dr. Browns and they are available in both glass and plastic options. The internal parts only come in plastic, however (probably for the best as they are small), so be aware. The primary drawback with these bottles is that cleaning requires you to meticulously clean all parts with a tiny little pipe cleaner (included) and can be time consuming. I recommend the wide-neck version of Dr. Browns as they accommodate a nipple with a wider base that can be better for breastfed babies and helps them to maintain a wide-lip flange.

Philips-Avent Natural is another popular bottle that is advertised as being easier (at least easier than the same company's classic version) for breastfeeding babies. This bottle is also available in both glass and plastic versions and includes a wide nipple base that transitions smoothly to the bottle lid encouraging effective sucking that is less likely to lead to nipple-confusion with breast feeding. The primary complaint I receive about these bottles is that they are not as durable as other brands. Specifically the numbers on the bottle that show how many ounces are in the bottle wear off quickly and I have experienced some leaking issues.

Mam Anti-Colic bottles are also advertised as being good for transitioning from breastfeeding to bottlefeeding easily. These bottles are only available in plastic and are able to be both top and bottom filled by coming apart at both ends which also makes the body a cinch to clean. The bottom includes a vent that helps with air flow in order to reduce colic. Uniquely this bottle also includes a "self-sterilizing" function where all the bottle parts fit inside the bottle so that it can be steam-cleaned when microwaved with water inside. My mother would like me to include that I used a Mam pacifier as a child.

Glass Bottles
Glass bottles have been around even longer than plastic bottles and have made a strong comeback in the past few years because of the BPA controversy around plastic bottles. I mentioned two brands of bottles above that are available in both plastic and glass, Dr. Brown's and Avent Natural.

The benefits of glass bottles are that they most certainly easier to clean as glass is smooth and less likely to scratch meaning that most of the milk or formula is washed out with a simple rinse, but should still be given a good swipe with a bottle brush to be sure. They are also a much simpler material so there is less cause to be concerned about chemical contamination of formula or milk.

The drawbacks include that glass can break, though, and because of that many brands now offer silicone bottle sleeves that reduce breaking risk and aid in grip. Glass bottles also sweat significantly more, just one more reason to invest in silicone sleeves. Strangely, though glass is a cheaper material than plastic, glass bottles tend to be more expensive. Some brands have found a smart way to offset this additional cost, however, by making bottles than can be converted into sippy cups and child water bottles later on by simply switching out the lid.

The brands of glass bottles are growing every day, but aside from the bottles available in both plastic and glass, these are mine and my clients' favorite brands.

Lifefactory bottles are truly versatile. The company makes bottles in a variety of sizes from 4 oz baby bottles to 22 oz adult bottles and they all come with a silicone sleeve attached. The measurements are actually on the sleeve itself so there is no fading issue or problems with the numbers being covered up because of the sleeve. What makes them a great option is the versatility of the bottle itself and their ability to grow with your child. By switching out the lids the same bottle can become a sippy cup, straw cup or water bottle. These bottles can use any standard size nipple (not wide-neck) and are not vented so they may not be the best option for the newest of babies, but can be a great choice for older babies who may be switching to sippy cups in a few months.


5phases bottles are a unique take on glass bottles as they are actually a hybrid. The part that touches the milk or formula itself is glass, but is inserted into a plastic bottle so that there is less of a chance of breakage. The glass inserts can be used for storage of homemade baby food after your child has graduated from bottles and in theory, one plastic bottle can be used with multiple glass inserts cutting down on costs. 5phases bottles are not "guaranteed compatible" with any other nipples, however, and we all know how picky babies can be.




Stainless Steel Bottles
Stainless steel is a relative newcomer to the baby bottle market, but has been around for adult water bottles for a while. While it can be difficult to find stainless steel bottles in stores, they are readily available online and have their own set of benefits.

The benefits of steel bottles are unique to them, most notably that some have insulating properties allowing them to keep milk warm or cold for hours. Not all brands have this feature though and those that don't have the alternative benefit of being able to very effectively feel the temperature of the liquid inside. Stainless steel is easy to clean and very durable-even unbreakable- and resisting most scratches. Stainless steel is also recyclable, making them a green option when they are not re-purposed into sippy cups and water bottles for older children. Stainless steel bottles also warm up much faster than other bottles, some in even 1/8th of the time.

The drawbacks are that they are more difficult to measure because they are not transparent at all. While most brands include measurement indents visible on both the inside and outside of the bottle and others provide a measuring cup as part of the lid, it can still be a pain to measure. Additionally, they can sweat with cold liquids, though not as bad as glass.

The brands are still somewhat limited, but the most popular brands I have listed here. They are all very similar, though, with the main selling point being the very existence of stainless steel baby bottles. Because of this I'm going to group them together for a rapid-fire summary.

 


From left to right: Organickidz, Kid Kanteen, and Pura Kiki are all single-wall bottles so they are not insulated, but the heat from the liquid inside can be felt on the outsize. Organikidz and Pura Kiki can be altered to be used as sippy cups and water bottles and Pura Kiki are compatible with quite a few nipples.

So as you can see...
There are a lot of choices in baby bottles and that's just where your choices start. Remember, though, that no matter how much time you spend researching bottles and carefully choosing your favorites, babies are still notoriously finicky and can ruin your best plans in less than a second. Be sure to purchase just one or two of a bottle before you invest in a full set because just because you like it does not mean your baby will.

Tags: Baby Bottles, Stainless Steel Baby Bottles, Glass Baby Bottles, Plastic vs glass vs stainless steel baby bottles, Pros and Cons, Glass vs Plastic baby bottles, baby bottle choices

Why "The Mommy Whisperer"

So I've used the name "The Mommy Whisperer" for a while now and from time to time I get the question of why. It's simple really; Anyone who has ever read the book or seen the movie "The Horse Whisperer" will at least notice the reference but for me it is even more cliche than that. It all traces back to two lines:

Annie: I've heard you help people with horse problems.
Tom Booker: Truth is, I help horses with people problems.

As a doula I get a few reactions when describing my chosen line of work. The most irritating of which (and I'm sure any nanny can empathize) is "Oh, so you're a babysitter" -Cue the nanny frustration- In short, no, I don't "just babysit", but another reaction I get is people saying that I help mom's with their baby problems. In this way I like the title of "Mommy Whisperer" because I don't help mommies with their baby problems, I help babies with their mommy problems.

Tags: Nannies, Babysitter, Mommy Whisperer